Morning Glory, and my not so pretty cancer story.

We had only been in our new house in lovely Ramsey, NJ for less than 2 months. Literally still unpacking into our new life when I received the original diagnosis of Breast Cancer, Clinical Stage 1.  It was September 29, 2014. Of course I got my team in place and moved ahead with surgery. I had a lumpectomy in my left breast, then chemotherapy over 3 months or so, then 33 rounds of radiation. Lost all my hair and had some fun with wigs – especially that purple one. I did everything I was supposed to do! I even juiced and exercised and tried to be as healthy as possible.

Then cut to 2 years later, (around this time last year) my family was driving back from a camping trip in the Adirondacks.  For some reason I was feeling the side of my neck and I felt a bump. I just knew. A biopsy about 1 week later confirmed by dreadful suspicion. Indeed, the cancer came back. A petscan soon revealed the cancer had also metastasized to my lungs and bones. I am now stage 4, Metastatic Breast Cancer. The stats are gloomy. Metastatic Breast Cancer claims approximately 40,000 lives a year in the U.S. The Median survival after a Metastatic Breast Cancer Diagnosis is 3 years. The mere thought of not being here to take care of my 2 daughters, Izzy and Abby, leaving them without a mother sends me into a tailspin, and utterly breaks my heart. To leave my loving husband Bill to raise them alone saddens me and fills me with worry. To think my parents will have to bury their only daughter, and my brother his only sister brings pain like nothing else. This is the nightmare I have been living this past year.

I am already on my 3rd line of defense in terms of treatment in only 1 year. Now the cancer is also in my liver. This reality is hard to take. Some days I cry. I scream. I hide. I suffer. Other days, I feel almost normal. However, I am determined to write my own story. I want to test the theory of mind over matter. I have always been a positive person, and am thinking now this aspect of my personality can really come in handy. When the cancer came back, my friend Jane said to keep a vision of me holding my grandchild. I do that. It helps. I also have been doing a lot of Reiki Energy healing which I find fascinating and incredibly healing. More on that in future posts. Tomorrow is my 3rd chemotherapy infusion at Columbia Prysbeterian in NYC.  I feel so fortunate to have found with the help of my incredible Team Heather – a clinical trial in early phase 1. I am the 13th person in trial. The trial is testing chemotherapy (Abraxane) in combination with a drug called Ricoclinistat, an Hdak 6 inhibitor. The science is something else all-together and I believe in it. We just need more research! Did you know only 7% of Breast Cancer funding goes to research for Metastatic Breast Cancer! #Stage4needsmore. This I will talk more about in future. It is very important however that we focus on research for MBC. Too many women are dying.

I do have a good feeling about this trial that it will stabilize me. It has to. So please friends and family, I need all your  healing prayers for tomorrow (and as i move ahead on this crazy rollercoaster ride) as I get my 3rd chemotherapy infusion. Tomorrow, September 29, also marks 3 years to the day of my original diagnosis. I have never been a religious person, but I do believe in the collective power of prayer. This will be just one of the many many ways I battle this disease.

Morning Glory, you are SOOOO beautiful and I just want to awake each morning to the beauty our mother earth has to offer, and the great love from family, friends and community that surrounds me. I took this photo this morning. These gorgeous flowers greeted me as if to say, HI HEATHER! ENJOY THE DAY! THIS LIFE IS A GIFT. It is glorious.

 

Morning Glory

11 thoughts on “Morning Glory, and my not so pretty cancer story.

  1. I love you Heather Sabella!!! Thank tou for sharing your story and journey! I am with you and praying for you and bill and your two beautiful girls🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏

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  2. Dearest Heather,
    You have my prayers, my positive thoughts, and my heartfelt belief that this treatment will be the one we have been waiting for. I have always maintained that we are a family of brave woman, and you are certainly proving me right. All my love,
    Aunt Selma xxxx

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  3. Heather – you are such a positive light. I am praying with you and for you, Heather. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, but you will overcome. Sending so much love and healing vibes your way. I will be following your progress through your blog. With love, Carina

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  4. Sabs,
    Keep going. And keep sharing so we can all be really with you on the next step of this fight. I get messages everyday from people who may not even have the honor and gift of knowing you but they are praying for you. Your circle of friends and supporters is vast. You inspire me. I love you.
    Loving hugs from across the river,
    Pags

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  5. Prayers for you from an L.A. woman who has learned so much from your dearest aunt – The Rev. Dr. Louise Diana — our entire Studio City class is praying for you!!
    All the very best – Ellen L.

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  6. Dear Heather,

    I will keep you in my prayers. Be strong & have faith. God is with you & your family. Keep those positive thoughts flowing.

    Sincerely,
    Lenie

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  7. I wrote a prayer for you this morning to repeat my sweet Heather:

    Health is a state of wholeness in mind and in body. The body is the servant of the mind, and the mind is the offspring of pure Spirit. I will permit Its flow of harmony, unity and beauty a clear passageway. The body will always reflect this inner poise. I am strength and grace.

    Today I know that my health, my physical well-being, as well as my mental poise and peace, are drawn from an infinite Source of perfection. Today I know that Spirit is the healing Presence of life forever restoring my mind and my physical being. I am perfect, whole and complete and embrace this journey.

    I love you,
    Aunt Louise-Diana

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  8. Get it out! Get it all out! I hope this process of writing and reflecting will help guide you through this crazy rollercoaster. You have always been a spiritual person. Let this be your quest. With lots of love and positive vibes,
    Allison

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  9. Thank you Heather, for your courage and words; as you craft them you are helping others to understand and illuminate this darkness with humor and your truth.
    You are always and forever a Rocker!

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  10. Oh Heather, My heart goes out to you! I can feel your strength and courage in your words and I know you are a power house in this universe. You are such a glorious woman and I know you are the best mom in the world. I miss having you as neighbors! Your children are beautiful and I pray that every bit of positive energy and spirit surrounds you and heals you. Thank you for sharing your journey. Love to all of you. Hugs, Priscilla

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