Hang Ups and Loving Yourself

We all have too many hang ups. Speaking for myself, I’d say so at least. Or at least as I sit here after my 15th chemo and cold capping, this seems to be true.  Or was. Hopefully, now I can get past all the bullshit before it gets worse! Too many people are steeped in this phenomenon all the way up to their eyebrows. (Bare with me, just letting it flow today.) Now that I literally don’t have any, it’s hard to measure. Ha ha, little joke. Well, I really don’t have any eyebrows. Or eyelashes. Coming from somebody whose admittedly a bit vain about my looks, this is not cool. I know I know. Just be grateful for the important things. Which I am. But damn,  a girl needs luscious brows and lashes! Fortunately, there are makeup and other techniques – my mom told me about micro-blading for the eyebrow which sounds amazing. Turns out my hairdresser has someone she loves that does it. So no worries…. stuff is happening! Ha! But you see my point, just another hang up.  And perhaps that’s not the best example, but ultimately, I need to love myself no matter how my eyebrows look. Because if I can do that, if we can all do that, I think everyone would be a lot happier. Not to mention healthier. Or we can just have really amazing, perfectly thick eyebrows!!

How do we love ourselves? This is what I am learning and wondering about every day. For starters, i think releasing old pain and emotion and hurt and resentments is a great place to begin. So much of what I do with Reiki seems to be a release or letting go of pain and/or emotions that do not serve me. Me = Mind, Body, and Spirit. You = Mind, Body, Spirit.  A continual release is something to always pay attention to and be aware of. On a deeper level in terms of our own personal history it is helpful to take mental snapshots where there may be little demons lingering from our past, acknowledge and forgive them, and simply toss in a virtual fire in our mind. In other words, just visualize the fire and say goodbye! Later bad vibes!

Releasing these old emotions I found give way to the infinite space within ourselves to make room for the next level of self care — something I have always been really terrible at. (And that’s not a hang up, that’s the truth!) Self care = Self love.

There are so many ways to love and care for ourselves and as I make this journey, I find I honestly enjoy these discoveries. Learning about healthy foods, and getting those nutrients into my body, diving into alternative healing modalities such as Reiki, taking time for long baths (this aids in releasing emotions and according to a Reiki healer i have worked with it especially works if you put dead sea salts in), walking the dog outside while taking huge deep breaths of fresh air, dancing to the music that feeds my soul, etc….  Moment by moment, we learn. I am learning. Becoming whole comes to mind. Maybe that is what self love is for me. And maybe I found a new hashtag! #BECOMINGWHOLE A key component to self love, I might add, is when we practice this, everyone around us benefits.

I hope this post doesn’t sound weird, self-helpy, or preachy — which can be another form of BS. It’s also not lost on me that most people reading this are experiencing a different sort of reality than me, perhaps one not so “exaggerated.” Regardless, the power within ourselves, no matter our unique circumstances in life, is something to brush the dust off of, and let shine.

The past several weeks, especially right after the Holidays, were very difficult. I felt depleted emotionally and physically. Just nothing left. Derailed. Off my healing game. On top of all the Christmas preparations and chemotherapy, we renovated a bathroom. Not the wisest idea, but it sure looks nice… (pix below) and has a sauna too. Yay!  Friends and family continue to be so supportive and this is everything. Gentle words and simple nudges in the right direction, small (and huge) gestures of help, are all part of my self care. Surrounding yourself with the right people is always a bright idea.

Juicing celery and using our new sauna (major detoxification benefits!!!!! Worth every penny!!!) were life savers last week to get me back on track. It is so easy for my mind to go negative. Another thing I am learning is the power of positive thinking is a real thing. My chemo nurse and I had a conversation about this today. She said she used to work in a “different ward” of hospital (I did the sub-textual translation- where lot’s of people faced imminent death) and she said she saw how the ones who gave up went very quickly. The ones who stayed positive, did not. She saw a real difference. Well, to me, that is encouraging as I plan to be around a long time.

The funny thing about having Cancer is now I don’t want to hang ANYTHING up!

Now that 2018 is here, perhaps that will be my resolution. Don’t hang it up!! #donthangitup (My friend Jenny Rach aka Berms, thinks that should be my hashtag… I like!) Alright then. So it is. Happy New Year, everyone. May 2018 be a year with few hang ups, lots of laughter, and gobs of self love for all.