Beast in Me (And the importance of being your own Health Advocate!!!)

It seems once again I let too much time go by without posting an update. So it goes, I suppose. Life of a MOM, while living with Metastatic Breast Cancer.  My daughters last day of school is this Friday, and they are booked up with camps and all that good stuff. We may carve out some Family vacation time end of summer… planning ahead with this beast in me brings many challenges!

My life, simply put has radically changed.  To say I don’t yearn for my healthier self and certain aspects of my old life would be a lie. Those feelings run deep, in fact. The emotional pain of losing parts of myself to this disease, and not knowing what the future will bring, and all the fear associated with that, can be soul crushing, even debilitating. Add in all the medications and an ever changing body, (i weighed in at 97 pounds) adds fuel to that fire. I have never been this low in weight, so now i am making an effort to put some pounds back on. I did a 2 week liver/healthy eating cleanse, my friend Lisa guided me through. It was hard in the beginning, but i got the hang of it and so glad i did it! Always learning about nutrition and the importance of it. The issue now is i just don’t have the appetite for food often. (and i LOVE food) I may just have to add in some ice cream here and there! And burgers! But they gotta be grass fed!! Thank god for marijuana, because this “sacred plant” definitely helps to stimulate an appetite. It also helps with nausea.

Unfortunately, my last CT scan showed more progression in my liver. Good news is I am pretty stable everywhere else in my body. At follow up meeting over 1 month ago, my oncologist gave me 2 options. To try a different chemotherapy, or do a hormone therapy in combination with Afinitor  (trade name for Everolimus)- a type of advanced breast cancer medication for women who have failed on other therapies. It’s one pill a day, and the hormone therapy (Faslodex) is 2 shots in the butt every 2 weeks. Yay!!! No brainer. I went with the latter. No interest in doing any type of IV chemotherapy at the moment. It was so harsh on me……….. Sit back because i have a story to tell about what happened next….

WHAT ABOUT MY LIVER?? YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ONE. True story. And i knew this current treatment i am on (like all the other conventional treatments i have tried) was not going to stabilize the cancer in my liver…and a recent scan proved this to be true. Bummer, but not unexpected. So in that meeting i excitedly asked my oncologist about a promising new liver procedure i have been researching called SIRT. (Selective Internal Radiation Treatment.) Or otherwise referred to as Radioembolization or Y90. She immediately and emphatically said NO. Insert my heart momentarily breaking… then finding the strength to ask why. Her response was simply “she doesn’t think it will work.” Fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion!

However, i pushed a bit and told her she needed to think outside the box. I told her I won’t die. I will not die. I have 2 daughters. I WILL NOT DIE. (good to know Cancer hasn’t stolen my feisty side!!) I then asked her to PLEASE send my scans to the Interventional Radiology department and see what they think since their the peeps that perform SIRT.  After getting a little huffy, puffy, she said she would send them, but she “guaranteed they would say No.” Again, heart hurting……but at least we agreed they would look at my file.

Cut to about a week later, i got the appointment with the Interventional Radiologist. My parents and brother were with me for this appointment as well. To be honest, I wasn’t totally psyched about it based on what my oncologist said. However, when the doctor walked in, everything changed. I felt her compassion immediately. She sat down next to me, looked me in the eye, and said, “We reviewed your scans, and you are a good candidate for SIRT.” WOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ELATION!!! We had a great meeting with her, and decided to just get it on the books. Well, ladies and gentlemen, my first SIRT treatment is actually TOMORROW! I feel so optimistic about this. And no matter what happens, i am super proud of myself for being my own health advocate. It is so imperative to stand up for yourself. Do your own research, and follow your gut.

I ask all of you who will happen to read this tonight or tomorrow, to please send BIG, LOVING, WHITE LIGHT VIBRATIONS TO ME tomorrow somewhere between 9 am and 12 noon… envisioning the tumors in my liver disappearing….if you miss that time frame, things often get delayed so just send em when the moment strikes. I am not a prayer person, however i do believe in ENERGY. And being able to send healing energy to others, hence the Reiki which is still a vital part of my healing process. The more people doing it at the same time will no doubt make this procedure go well tomorrow.

Quickly, before i bid you goodnight, anyone out there who may be reading this, and is also living with Metastatic Breast Cancer, please contact me! We need to stick together, and keep each other informed.

The SIRT is done twice, because it would be too toxic to do the whole liver at the same time. My second SIRT is scheduled for July 18.

Goodnight, thank you for reading, and LOVE TO ALL!

Heather